Sensitive Folks and The Collective Choas

Many people dealing with anxiety are actually very sensitive to the energy and feelings of others. So instead of just feeling your emotions in a given situation, you feel yours and the emotions of those around you. This seems to be even moreso the case when the emotions are difficult ones, like fear or grief or anger. Imagine when those emotions are amplified hundreds-fold as is the case in our country (and even the world) today? This chaos of emotions exists in what I'll refer to as "the Collective" (i.e. the combined nervous systems/energies of the people in our country and the world today).

How do you know if you're sensitive/empathic? If you've walked into a room without knowing people were arguing and felt the "prickly" energy left in the air, or if you've walked by someone without even looking at them and suddenly felt an overwhelming emotion that wasn't there before, there's a good chance you're empathic. Other people may have told you in your life: "You're just waaay too sensitive. Relax!" (Probably didn't feel very empathic when you wanted to smack them for saying that for the 100th time!)

One of the disadvantages of being an empath is that if you don't realize that what you're feeling isn't yours at all, your mind tries to explain what you're feeling based on the state of your life at the moment. And of course it is always easy to come up with reasons why you're anxious or to think of people who've upset you. And in no time at all those emotions that you picked up from someone else have become yours.

Another challenge facing empathic folks is that unless taught otherwise, we feel like we have to take on, or absorb the suffering around us in order to be helpful. The rub is that if you absorb someone else's suffering, you don't really lessen what they are feeling, you just add yourself to the number of people who are suffering! And now that you're also in pain, how much help can you be to the person whose suffering you've absorbed?

The learning for the empath is to be able to recognize what we are reflecting from others without absorbing it. Sensitive people can be great healers and teachers because we can sense in ourselves what is happening in someone else. If we choose not to absorb or take on the other person's suffering, we can instead be present for it and available to help if help is needed. Most often anyway, friends and loved ones simply want to be seen and heard, not fixed.

In our current socio-political climate, it is critical that we are able to do this, or we risk being swallowed up by the Collective panic. How to do this? Mindfulness of course is helpful:

1. Check in with your immediate environment and ask yourself: "Am I and my loved ones physically safe in this moment?" Notice what happens in your nervous system when you can say yes to that questions (I do hope you can say yes to that question!!) Much of what causes anxiety is the fear of what we assume will be a horrible future. While it is important to look out for the future, it is just as important to make sure we aren't suffering that horrible future before it even happens. 

2. Ask yourself: "How much of this fear/anxiety/disquiet is mine? How much is The Collective's?" You may be surprised that you can distinguish this in some way.
Please note: You do not need to be responsible for the Collective anxiety! There is no way for one person to run all that fear through themselves and be functional. While it seems noble, it is in no way helpful. You are a part of the Collective, so what you do with yourself affects the whole. The more functional you are, the more effective you will be at whatever acts of service you decide to do.
3. When you have a sense of what anxiety is yours to take responsibility for, use the skills you know to regulate yourself. Long exhales; somatic grounding through feeling your feet on the floor, your seat on your chair, your back on the back of your chair;  focusing on something pleasant in your environment; meditating; making something beautiful; reading poetry. 

If you don't know any skills for managing your anxiety, now would be a good time to learn some. Check in with a mindfulness class, yoga teacher or a body-centered therapist. CBW Studio has some great workshops coming up. A daily self-regulating practice of some kind is essential self care for empaths at this point in our history. Also, while it is important to be informed, it's also really important to be circumspect in terms of what you take in. As yourself, "Is this serving my ability to be effective, or not?"


4. Once you're regulated, think about  what you can do to effectively be of service. There are tons of volunteering opportunities available. Some people have the courage and stamina for big jobs and others don't. You might just chose to be kind and compassionate to your neighbors and thus increase the level of positive emotions moving through the Collective, or donate clothes to refugees, or put a Hate Has No Home Here sign in your yard, or make calls or send emails to your political representatives.  Action is the antidote to fear. Loving action works even better. Judging and antagonizing each other? Not so much.

Breathing to Live

Hope that you are well and enjoying this moment of Life!

I've been fascinated with the breath lately. It's pretty amazing that the thing we need most to survive (air) is abundant and free! We walk around in it!  Your breath can have a calming effect on your nervous system, and yet constrictive breathing patterns can be agitating to the mind. That's one of the reasons yoga is so focused on breath. Free your breath and you free your spirit!

Our bodies are such fascinating instruments, and so wonderfully interconnected. Amazing, really. Did you know that tension in your jaw can affect the health of your pelvis? And that chronic tension in your shoulders can be an indication of constrictive breathing habits?

I do breath awareness work in my Yoga for Pelvic Health classes and with many of my psychotherapy clients, simply because the breath influences so much about the body and mind. Read on below for more tips about breathing. And don't worry! If you're alive and reading this, then there's a good change your body is breathing well enough right now! And with compassionate curiosity you can develop awareness of how you could free your breath even more!

Quick Facts about Breath and Breathing 

I've become really fascinated by the breath and the mechanisms of breathing lately, and I'm especially interested in the ways that the breath affects our nervous systems, and therefore our state of anxiety or relaxation. Here are some facts that might surprise you, or might be enlightening!

• When you're relaxed your breath is usually slower & deeper, but not forced or strained
• When you're agitated or afraid, your breath is faster and usually higher in your chest
• Your breath should change depending on the context - if you're running, you need to be breathing faster and deeper than if you're sitting and reading this email
• More oxygen is not necessarily a good thing. You need a balance of oxygen to carbon dioxide in order for your body to function well (yes, you need carbon dioxide!) Too much oxygen can be as problematic as not enough, and breathing too hard or too fast all the time can alter your balance of oxygen to carbon dioxide actually causing anxiety & other problematic symptoms
• Your lungs span the area from just below your collar bones to your lower ribs (there are no lungs in your belly/abdomen).
• Think of breathing in through your nose and down into your lower ribs
• The belly moves out as a result of the downward movement of your diaphragm - a muscle that connects to your lower ribs & spine - when you inhale. Forcing the belly out isn't a good idea and doesn't help you breathe better.
• Your lower ribs should move when you breathe. When you're exerting yourself, your upper chest should also move to allow more space for your lungs to fill. Your shoulder muscles generally shouldn't be used for breathing
• Allowing ribs and belly to move when you breathe provides for a freer breath and a more balanced & content nervous system.
• Tucking your pelvis under (squeezing buttocks in) and holding your belly in wreaks havoc with your breathing and isn't good for your spine (or your pelvis). Whether sitting or standing, the pelvis should optimally be in a neutral position with a curve at your lower (lumbar) spine
• A "deep" breath doesn't mean forcing the breath into your belly or taking a big, loud breath. It's best for the breath to move quietly, freely & deeply into the body at a relatively relaxed rate - depending, of course, on what your body is doing. 
• The average number of breaths per minute is 15-20 for adults.

Any of this sound new or contrary to what you learned in yoga class? It's been an education for me to study the breath more deeply too & I've had to relearn some things! It's also been wonderful to observe how psychotherapy clients and yoga students have benefited from learning more about how their breath works.

Please feel free to leave a comment to this post and let me know what you think...

Pain happens

Hello again!  Long time no post.  There have been lots of changes happening for me recently, and for many people this is a time of change and transition.  Just since this summer 4 people I know have moved out of Chicago with their families.  A quick glance at the news will reveal that this is indeed a transformative time for humanity as a whole. Change can be exciting and it can be challenging.  In fact any process of transformation can involve both of those states - and sometimes both at once! As humans we are often surprised when change happens, and when it is difficult.  There is a mistaken notion that if we shouldn't have to feel pain or discomfort supported by advertising and the media. Yet by virtue of being human, pain (in all its varying degrees) is an inevitable part of our experience.  Sometimes the pain is emotional and sometimes it is physical. Either type becomes suffering through our reaction to it.  When we resist, deny or reject difficult experiences, they tend to magnify - the pain insists on being felt. One of the biggest sources of pain, I think, is this idea that what we are experiencing "should not be."  We use a lot of energy resisting what is already here.  So, what is the solution?  One of my favorite yoga teachers, Roger Eischens used to say "It is what it is."  I heard this phrase from him when he was dealing with the brain cancer that eventually caused his death. That simple phrase has saved me a lot of emotional wrangling.  When I feel myself getting caught up in the debate of "this shouldn't be happening to me" I hear Roger's voice "It is what it is" and I surrender to the fact of the matter. Marsha Linnehan, who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy while working with severely suicidal patients describes the concept of "Radical Acceptance" - essentially a letting go of resistance to the truth of what is here. A great deal of anxiety and stress can be released through this process of accepting what is.  This doesn't imply approval or complacency, but a simple act of acknowledging and letting go of resistance to the moment.  I sense this as a physical shift - a visceral "letting go" of inner tension that I usually didn't even realize I was holding. A spontaneous full breath usually follows.  Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this multiple times as the tension creeps up again.  And sometimes what is here really hurts and I get to feel the hurt without all the added tension created by the thought that the hurt shouldn't be here.  This process can take a long time, depending on the situation, and in those times, I try to notice the degrees of pain - acknowledging moments of relief - or moments of "less than" the pain or difficulty that was here before. By being willing to be with what is, I get back into the flow of life and inevitably, the hurt moves through and I come out on the other side.