I love yoga! I really do. How wonderful to be able to move body, mind, and energy in this sometimes synchronous, sometimes challenging, but always fascinating dance of Life. And how wonderful that ancient yogis thousands of years ago shared wisdom that is still relevant in our crazy and mesmerizing modern world! Getting on my mat is like coming home to myself - a visit with a good friend who has never left me even when I was neglectful. Yoga has helped me to befriend myself.
I mentioned in class this morning that it is truly amazing that any of us are here. If you think about all the planets in the Universe and all the different factors that have had to happen for you to be sitting in front of your computer at this moment reading these words, it is mind-blowing. Just the wonder of the body itself, heart beating, lungs breathing, liver cleansing, stomach churning, blood flowing, eyes seeing, nerves firing, brain processing - water, fire, air and earth united in this amazingly complex symphony that is a human body. Wow.
These past few weeks I've been gifted with an awareness of how much my view of the world has changed since committing to yoga teacher training in 2003. When I started that training I didn't think of myself as a strong person or of my body as a strong body. There were poses that felt torturous and I was pretty commited to my story. Never athletic as a child, I danced semi-professionally for a few years after college but it was always with a sense that I wasn't quite up to the standards of all the other bodies in the studio or on the stage - not strong enough, balanced enough, grounded enough. committed enough, trained enough... That was the gist of my story - "not good enough."
The consistent application of the principles and practices of yoga, as well as other wonderful practices & teachers that have crossed my path has helped me to see that story for what it is. Just a story. A body that once was seen as weak now feels strong and grounded. A mind that was stuck in the groove of a limiting story is open to new possibilities. Beyond even that though, is the sense that none of that even matters, because what is here now is enough. If I never do a handstand without the support of the wall, this body, this breath, this life, will be no less amazing - and it won't be any better if I do (though that would be really fun!).
For me, the story of "not enough" is still sometimes present, but I can sooner see it as a story - the mind's way of (as my Akashic Records said) "concerning itself with matters beyond its jurisdiction." Instead of the story being in control, I can let the story be, or let it go. It is also interesting to notice the other stories rising to the surface of awareness.
The journey becomes even more amazing when you realize there's nowhere to go. This body, this breath, this moment is what we have to work with. If we keep waiting for some time in the future when it will be better, when we will become more wonderful due to all our efforts, or due to chance, we will miss the magic that is happening now. I'm not sure we can become more present, but I think we can be more aware - more mindful.
Just now. Just this. Fascinating.